CHAPTER 4: My Vipassana Experience

Buddha Sculpture at Patna Museum

The day after completing my Yoga Teacher Training in Rishikesh, I head to the airport and board a flight to Patna, the capital of Bihar, a state in the north East of India, that boarders with Nepal. Here, I will be attending a 10 days Vipassana course. “Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by Gotama Buddha more than 2500 years ago and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills, i.e., an Art Of Living.” from https://www.dhamma.org/en/about/vipassana

It teaches us to observe the sensations in our body and mind, without reacting to it. With this observing, we experience the impermanence of things and learn to accept them. It is a process that strengthens our mind, improves concentration and helps cure many psychosomatic diseases. It is quite an amazing practice that has halped thousands of poeple throughout the world and that should be shared and known by many more poeple who might benefit from it.

I don’t recall how I first heard about Vipassana, but I remember reading about it and hearing poeple talking about it in India and I knew I wanted to experience it for myself. I have always been curious about a lot of different things and I believe trying things ourselves is the only way to find out if we like them and if they are meant for us or not.

It can take a long time to be accepted at one of the Vipassana centers and there are several in the world, from Asia, to America and Europe. There is even one in Italy , Tuscany, I will later come to find out. In India especially, as it is where this technique became popular thanks to the teachings of S.N Goenka, there are at least 50 centres. It became difficult to decide which center to apply in. In the end, I opted for the one in Patna, because it was not too fa from Rishikesh and I figure after the course, I could travel to Gaya and visit the Body tree where Buddha got enlightened. I love to do research before I travel somehwere, read blogs, articles about the place and find out what to see, where to eat and learn a little bit about the story of each place. So I knew Gaya was worth seeing.

After only a few days from the moment I send my application I received an answer from the center: I got accepted! Even if I had read a lot about Vipassana before attending the course, nothing can really prepare you for what you are going to face. 

It is tough, both physically (I had never experiecne such physical pain, not even during my yoga teacher training!) and mentally. But it makes you stronger, more focused and lucid. It has been one of the most beautiful and hardest experiences of my life!

The morning I arrived in Patna, I had decided I was going to walk around the city and get to Smriti Park before committing to sitting pretty much all day and meditating. The city of Patna felt somewhat hostile, there was no desire for locals to talk to foreigners and I felt like men, especially, tried to avoid any sort of communication, whether with words or just the eyes. Not a lot of poeple here speak English either, compared to other parts of India and the overall atmosphere is quite hostile. This made me eager to arrive at the center. Plus I was looking forward to sitting in silence and resting my body, after two months of intense Asthtanga Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training.

Park of the Patna Museum

As I walk through the gate towards the door that will reveal this new world of stillness, I gaze back at the main road and the business of life one last time, the cars honking, people running to catch a bus and cows walking in peaceful harmony with dogs blending seamlessly with traffic. I will not see any of this for the next 10 days. I feel ready to leave all this behind and go within. I close the gate behind me and disappearing from the chaos of the world.

At the center, I lock my phone, my books, my diary and my speaker away. During the course, you are not allowed to have any distractions or connections with the outside world. You have to be completely focused on yourself. This fascinates me a lot and there is no anxiety, nor fear, but great curiosity.

My room at the Vipassana Center of Patna

The first day we are briefed on the schedule of the course, meals, rules and the techniques we will learn, then we are off to our rooms and silence starts. I have always been comfortable and quite enjoy silence and peaceful environments, so I trust I will be completely fine for 10 days.

As soon as you are left alone with just your thoughts, however, your mind races from place to place a thousand miles an hour! And all you can do is observe it.. Can I talk to myself? I think.. Not out loud, as we are not supposed to emit a single sound.. so I try to practice pranayama, but quickly remember we are supposed to give up any other practices, included yoga and pranayama during these 10 days. It is definitely going to be harder than I thought. I finally fell asleep in the quiet darkness of my room inside the Smriti Park. 

The next morning I am awakened by the gong at 4 am, get up, freshen up and walk to the meditation hall for the first session. There are about 30 women, majority of them are Indians, one Irish woman and about a dozen of Vietnamese monks in their twenties and thirties. The men as well, aere mainly Indians, and a couple of Nepalese monks. We are divided, women are to sit on the right and men on the left side of the hall. We each have our own meditation cushion with our name on it and can use additional pillows to support our knees. We are to sit cross legged with our back straight and eyes closed, without any support. These sessions are guided, there is an audio that is played and guides us through the technique. First session ends at 6:30, then we are off to the breakfast room. Women and men eat separately, nobody is allowed to speak, have any physical contact, nor to look at anyone else. We should be walking, eating and breathing mindfully. After breakfast we can walk in the park before the next meditation session from 8 to 9am. After each hour session we can take about 5 minutes break before sitting again. Lunch is served at 11:00am and tea time at 5:00 pm. There is no dinner. From 8 to 9 pm we listen to Goenka’s discourses that sums up the day and prepares us for the next day. The reminaing of the time, it is spent listenting to the guided meditation audio and to practicing it at 1 to 2 hours intervals. 

Day two was getting hard to sit and the physical pain was becoming hard to bear, but I think day 3 was the hardest one. I seriously thought about leaving and that this, perhaps, was not for me. Mr S.N. Goenka’s voice started to sound unbearable in the audio, my body was telling me to get up and run and my mind would go from scanning all the cabinets of the kitchen in the US to one of my chilhood’s birthday party at the local park. I was releasing memories I no longer needed and this felt amazing. The desire to see what else I would release and free myself of, was what kept me form leaving. 

By day 8, I was lost within. My senses were enhanced, the colours were brighter, the sound of the birds were sweeter and the smell of the frangipani trees intoxicating. I felt aligned with the Universe and my journey was making perfect sense. Day 10 came and breaking silence was a unique experience. I could not recognize the sound of my own voice. It sounded strange, foreign, unfamiliar. But it was “my” voice.. It took a while to get familiar with its sound again.
A group of girls were standing in the garden looking at each other uncertain of what to do or even say. We had sat in the same room all day for 10 days, so there was a sense of familiarity, yet I had no idea who they were, what they did and if they spoke any English. We spent the afternoon between the remaining meditation session finding out who we were, telling each other’s stories of our lives and our reason for attending this Vipassana course. I remember a couple of the women wanted to maintain silence, but the teacher insisted that they spoke. This last day in the center prepares you for the outside world and it is important to do it gradually and speaking here with each other is part of the process. This made me reflect on the human being. We are such adaptable creatures. We can not only adapt to different climates, environments and people, but also situations a lot quicker than we think. We can really do a lot more than our minds think. 
The first thing I did, after talking with the women and monks, was write. I had so much inside I needed to let out. Memories, dreams, sensations, emotions, that I released with meditation, but that I also wanted to document. Especially my dreams. 
I remember starting to keep a diary on my dreams when I first arrived in Rishikesh as every single night there I vividly remembered my dreams. I find it not only very therapeutic, but also so fascinating how our subconscious mind sends us messages in our sleep This also happens when we meditate, as meditation is just another way to tap into our subconscious. And here, is where our hidden memories of the past are stored, where our morality is and where all of our answers lie. 

With stillnes and silence we become more sensitive and in tune with this part of our mind and slowly come back to our true  nature. Meditation, especailly Vipassana has been one of the best tools in helping me towards this journey of self discovery and I am grateful that my path led me to it.

As night settles one last time on the Smriti Park in Patna, I let the delicate light of the stars lull me to sleep.

Buddha Smriti Park