Bali - August 2019

I long to smell the scent of flowers 

and inebriate my soul of their colors

but can't seem to smell their depth

Sumatra - May 2019 

CHAPTER 4: My Vipassana Experience

Buddha Sculpture at Patna Museum

The day after completing my Yoga Teacher Training in Rishikesh, I head to the airport and board a flight to Patna, the capital of Bihar, a state in the north East of India, that boarders with Nepal. Here, I will be attending a 10 days Vipassana course. “Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by Gotama Buddha more than 2500 years ago and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills, i.e., an Art Of Living.” from https://www.dhamma.org/en/about/vipassana

It teaches us to observe the sensations in our body and mind, without reacting to it. With this observing, we experience the impermanence of things and learn to accept them. It is a process that strengthens our mind, improves concentration and helps cure many psychosomatic diseases. It is quite an amazing practice that has halped thousands of poeple throughout the world and that should be shared and known by many more poeple who might benefit from it.

I don’t recall how I first heard about Vipassana, but I remember reading about it and hearing poeple talking about it in India and I knew I wanted to experience it for myself. I have always been curious about a lot of different things and I believe trying things ourselves is the only way to find out if we like them and if they are meant for us or not.

It can take a long time to be accepted at one of the Vipassana centers and there are several in the world, from Asia, to America and Europe. There is even one in Italy , Tuscany, I will later come to find out. In India especially, as it is where this technique became popular thanks to the teachings of S.N Goenka, there are at least 50 centres. It became difficult to decide which center to apply in. In the end, I opted for the one in Patna, because it was not too fa from Rishikesh and I figure after the course, I could travel to Gaya and visit the Body tree where Buddha got enlightened. I love to do research before I travel somehwere, read blogs, articles about the place and find out what to see, where to eat and learn a little bit about the story of each place. So I knew Gaya was worth seeing.

After only a few days from the moment I send my application I received an answer from the center: I got accepted! Even if I had read a lot about Vipassana before attending the course, nothing can really prepare you for what you are going to face. 

It is tough, both physically (I had never experiecne such physical pain, not even during my yoga teacher training!) and mentally. But it makes you stronger, more focused and lucid. It has been one of the most beautiful and hardest experiences of my life!

The morning I arrived in Patna, I had decided I was going to walk around the city and get to Smriti Park before committing to sitting pretty much all day and meditating. The city of Patna felt somewhat hostile, there was no desire for locals to talk to foreigners and I felt like men, especially, tried to avoid any sort of communication, whether with words or just the eyes. Not a lot of poeple here speak English either, compared to other parts of India and the overall atmosphere is quite hostile. This made me eager to arrive at the center. Plus I was looking forward to sitting in silence and resting my body, after two months of intense Asthtanga Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training.

Park of the Patna Museum

As I walk through the gate towards the door that will reveal this new world of stillness, I gaze back at the main road and the business of life one last time, the cars honking, people running to catch a bus and cows walking in peaceful harmony with dogs blending seamlessly with traffic. I will not see any of this for the next 10 days. I feel ready to leave all this behind and go within. I close the gate behind me and disappearing from the chaos of the world.

At the center, I lock my phone, my books, my diary and my speaker away. During the course, you are not allowed to have any distractions or connections with the outside world. You have to be completely focused on yourself. This fascinates me a lot and there is no anxiety, nor fear, but great curiosity.

My room at the Vipassana Center of Patna

The first day we are briefed on the schedule of the course, meals, rules and the techniques we will learn, then we are off to our rooms and silence starts. I have always been comfortable and quite enjoy silence and peaceful environments, so I trust I will be completely fine for 10 days.

As soon as you are left alone with just your thoughts, however, your mind races from place to place a thousand miles an hour! And all you can do is observe it.. Can I talk to myself? I think.. Not out loud, as we are not supposed to emit a single sound.. so I try to practice pranayama, but quickly remember we are supposed to give up any other practices, included yoga and pranayama during these 10 days. It is definitely going to be harder than I thought. I finally fell asleep in the quiet darkness of my room inside the Smriti Park. 

The next morning I am awakened by the gong at 4 am, get up, freshen up and walk to the meditation hall for the first session. There are about 30 women, majority of them are Indians, one Irish woman and about a dozen of Vietnamese monks in their twenties and thirties. The men as well, aere mainly Indians, and a couple of Nepalese monks. We are divided, women are to sit on the right and men on the left side of the hall. We each have our own meditation cushion with our name on it and can use additional pillows to support our knees. We are to sit cross legged with our back straight and eyes closed, without any support. These sessions are guided, there is an audio that is played and guides us through the technique. First session ends at 6:30, then we are off to the breakfast room. Women and men eat separately, nobody is allowed to speak, have any physical contact, nor to look at anyone else. We should be walking, eating and breathing mindfully. After breakfast we can walk in the park before the next meditation session from 8 to 9am. After each hour session we can take about 5 minutes break before sitting again. Lunch is served at 11:00am and tea time at 5:00 pm. There is no dinner. From 8 to 9 pm we listen to Goenka’s discourses that sums up the day and prepares us for the next day. The reminaing of the time, it is spent listenting to the guided meditation audio and to practicing it at 1 to 2 hours intervals. 

Day two was getting hard to sit and the physical pain was becoming hard to bear, but I think day 3 was the hardest one. I seriously thought about leaving and that this, perhaps, was not for me. Mr S.N. Goenka’s voice started to sound unbearable in the audio, my body was telling me to get up and run and my mind would go from scanning all the cabinets of the kitchen in the US to one of my chilhood’s birthday party at the local park. I was releasing memories I no longer needed and this felt amazing. The desire to see what else I would release and free myself of, was what kept me form leaving. 

By day 8, I was lost within. My senses were enhanced, the colours were brighter, the sound of the birds were sweeter and the smell of the frangipani trees intoxicating. I felt aligned with the Universe and my journey was making perfect sense. Day 10 came and breaking silence was a unique experience. I could not recognize the sound of my own voice. It sounded strange, foreign, unfamiliar. But it was “my” voice.. It took a while to get familiar with its sound again.
A group of girls were standing in the garden looking at each other uncertain of what to do or even say. We had sat in the same room all day for 10 days, so there was a sense of familiarity, yet I had no idea who they were, what they did and if they spoke any English. We spent the afternoon between the remaining meditation session finding out who we were, telling each other’s stories of our lives and our reason for attending this Vipassana course. I remember a couple of the women wanted to maintain silence, but the teacher insisted that they spoke. This last day in the center prepares you for the outside world and it is important to do it gradually and speaking here with each other is part of the process. This made me reflect on the human being. We are such adaptable creatures. We can not only adapt to different climates, environments and people, but also situations a lot quicker than we think. We can really do a lot more than our minds think. 
The first thing I did, after talking with the women and monks, was write. I had so much inside I needed to let out. Memories, dreams, sensations, emotions, that I released with meditation, but that I also wanted to document. Especially my dreams. 
I remember starting to keep a diary on my dreams when I first arrived in Rishikesh as every single night there I vividly remembered my dreams. I find it not only very therapeutic, but also so fascinating how our subconscious mind sends us messages in our sleep This also happens when we meditate, as meditation is just another way to tap into our subconscious. And here, is where our hidden memories of the past are stored, where our morality is and where all of our answers lie. 

With stillnes and silence we become more sensitive and in tune with this part of our mind and slowly come back to our true  nature. Meditation, especailly Vipassana has been one of the best tools in helping me towards this journey of self discovery and I am grateful that my path led me to it.

As night settles one last time on the Smriti Park in Patna, I let the delicate light of the stars lull me to sleep.

Buddha Smriti Park 

CHAPTER 3: Ken and Cleo

Reflections at Pangong Lake

Our next destination after the monasteries of Leh, is Nubra Valley driving across KhardungLa pass, the highest motorable road in the world, that reaches an altitude of 18,380 ft. We also stop in Magnetic Hill and Sangam, where the Indus river meets Zanskar. 

The landscape constantly changes and if you are not driving and can enjoy the scenery, you are in for a real treat! The dark colors of the mountains create a beautiful contrast to the clear blue skies. All shades of brown, red, purple and grey color the peaks all around. The roads are narrow and steep with endless turns over deadly cliffs. The darkness of the mountains, rivers and valley slowly changes to lighter shades of brown as we carefully descend from the pass. Light browns, sandy colors and patches of green are now the dominant colors. Nubra Valley has it all: sand dunes with camels, green oasis where donkeys gather and rivers with colorful fish. An idillic scenery that will stay with me forever.

We stay overnight in a beautiful camp in Nubra Valley, where the house host welcomes us with delicious apples that he just picked from the trees in the garden and a warm cup of tea. My stay in Nubra is very peaceful and the next morning I wake up to the sound of the birds singing the start of a new day. I love waking up with the sun and going to bed shortly after it sets and in places like this it becomes easier to live with the rythm of nature. 

The Nubra Valley to Pangong Lake part of the journey sees us crossing Hunder Village, where we stop for lunch, Deskit Shyok Village and Durbuk for another 7 hours drive total along the most beautiful roads and scenery I have seen. 

Around lunch time we decide to stop in a small restaurant on the road. My driver seems to know the owners and sits with them to catch up, while I take a sit outside, where I can enjoy the views all around. There are only a few chairs and tables and shortly after I sit, a couple approaches me and asks me if they can take the chairs in front of me. I nod smiling. After a couple of interactions between each other, they turn towards me: “Are you traveling alone?” which seems to be the question everyone is eager to ask me. “Yes” I reply. “But I am never really alone. I meet interesting people constantly” 

Lunch with a view

And that is how I first met Ken and Cleo, a very interesting couple in their late thirties originally from Mumbai, but who are now living in London. The waiter comes by to get our orders. I go for aloo paratha, a typical Indian flat bread with spicy potatoes inside and topped with chutney, pickles and dhal and of course, a side of rice.  They opt for dosas and we all have warm ginger tea and chat our lunch away. It is amazing how many people we meet in our journey and I start to realize how the people I keep meeting during this trip, are somewhat on the same journey as I am. I reflect on this a lot while I journal and I come to the conclusion that, not only everyone we meet has something to teach us, but that we meet the people we do because they have something specific to teach us. In order to understand what is it though, we have to be attuned and connected with the deeper part of ourselves. In this case, Ken and Cleo represent this more spiritual phase of my life and my search for something more.

Cleo, just like me, recently quit her job as it didn’t resonate with her any longer and started traveling and taking time to do the things she really loves doing and that she never had he time to do when working long hours. She was the manager of a company and had a team of 100 people under her, her working hours were ridiculous and schedule hectic. 

Ken is a physicist and entrepreneur, he has a start up company where he combines his passion for meditation and spiritual practices with his knowledge of physics, science and algorythms to help others. We all share an interest in meditation, yoga and a thirst for self knowledge and exchange opinions on our practices and where we are on our spiritual journeys. Ken has been meditating for over 10 years, he was born in it in a way as his parents were also very devoted to their morning practices and prayers. Cleo started recently meditating in a more constant way, but has always practiced yoga and pranayama. “I keep telling her to get her diploma and teach so she can do what she loves and help others with it” says Ken, who seem to have a level of wisdom along with self awareness and confidence that I truly envy. I then tell them about my purpose of traveling India, about the yoga teacher training course in Rishikesh and the thirst for something more meaningful in my life, for a purpose, something I didn’t feel I had back home in the environment I was in.  “You have already distinguishing yourself form the 99% of the people who are not interested in deepening their spiritual knowledge. But it is a journey, it requires constant work, practice, devotion and self examination. If you think about where you were 6 months ago or one year ago and you are in a better place, then it means you are on the right path. And once you start walking the right path, the right people will come to you, you will not have to look for them.” So keep practicing and find what kind of practice works best for you. You are in for a beautiful ride on this journey.” These are the types fo conversations that my soul truly longs for. This is exactly why I am here, to meet people like Ken and Cleo, who will inspire me and contribute to my spiritual growth. 

After lunch, we sadly say goodbye and promise to keep in touch and see each other again perhaps the next day at Pangong Lake. 

Once I arrive at the camp, I sit outside my tent and spend the late afternoon admiring the ever changing colours of the lake. The shadows of the clouds seem to be dancing in harmony with the hills. 

When night falls, thousands of stars paint the sky in what is the most magical show nature has gifted me. And for a moment I experience  pure bliss and onennes with the Universe.

CHAPTER 2: Big Little Lama

Local monks at Thikse Monastery

The next morning I wake up early as I normally do and head to the rooftop of the hotel, which I have noticed has some space where I can practice yoga and meditation. I started meditating regularly (or should I say concentrating on my breath as I am still in the anapana phase) for about 6 months now and I can see how dramatically my life has changed in only 6 months. I have a lot more energy, I am more present and awake. The combination of meditation, yoga and diet (I eat red meat only occasionally and mainly nurture my body with raw fruits, vegetables and fish) has improved my life so much. 

After my morning routine and some tasty local breakfast I meet my driver for a tour of the monasteries. First one and the one that will visit me in my dreams many nights after seeing it, is Thikse Monastery. This is the largest monastery in central Ladakh, it is located at 3600 mt and has dramatic views on the Indus Valley. It is part of the Gelug section of Tibetan Buddhism. 

It is about 12 stories tall and it is a complex building of intricate little alleys, stupas, statues and houses. As I slowly venture higher and higher the views become more spectacular. The desert and Majestic mountains peak through the colorful columns of the temple making it a perfect window overlooking a peaceful valley. 

Beautiful quotes by the Dalai Lama accompany my journey uphill towards the top of the monastery and fill me with positivity and gratitude.

“THE TRUE MEANING OF LIFE: We are visitors on this planet. We are here for ninety or one hindred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. If you contribute to other people’s happiness, you will find the ture goal, the true meaning of life” His Holiness the XIVthe Dalai Lama

Once I arrive in the main square I take the stairs leading up to the biggest monastery and stop on the little porch to take my shoes off before entering. I see a couple of monks chatting outside with two men dressed in normal clothes. They seem to know each other. I smile and say hi, quietly take my shoes off and peak through the door. A dozen of monks are reciting their prayers. The quiet rythm of their chants puts me in a sort of trance, that I silently enjoy for a few minutes. I close my eyes and breath this peace around me. 
As I open my eyes, one of the men approaches me and asks me if I would like to go inside. I notice there is a crew of what seems to be professional photographers and realize something special  is happening at the monastery that day. I gladly take up the invitation and enter the monastery, where I sit along the wall, next to one of the photographers who is filming the monks. I find it interesting how modern technology in this occasion is not taking away from the traditional atmosphere of the place, but somehow blends in with it delicately. 
Once back on the porch I find the smiling man and ask him what they are filming. “A documentary”, he says and hands me a paper cup with a steaming hot beverage. “ Butter tea” he says. I remember reading about butter tea in an article before coming to Ladakh and I am eager to try it. The name is definitely deceiving as you are expecting a tea flavor in your mouth, something smooth, whether sweet or more fruity. What you are not expecting, is the soupy taste it truly has. Butter tea is made of tea leaves, yak butter and salt and it is very high in calories, particularly suited for high altitude and cold temperatures. It is typical of the Himalaya regions and especially of Tibet, Buthan, Sikkim and Ladakh. Locals here drink it every day and and offer it to guests, which should be drinking it in sips, not all at once. After each sip, the host will refill your cup so it is always topped and full.

  As I take a first sip and allow my smiley friend to refill my cup right away, he goes on telling me his story. Him and his crew are filming the monastery to pay tribute to the monastery’s head lama, Ngawang Jamyang Jampa Stanzin Rinpoche (or, Thiksey Rinpoche for short). He is a well-respected, influential, and progressive voice within the Ladakhi community. He has worked tirelessly to improve the lives of Ladakhi lamas (monks) and lay people since his narrow escape from Tibet during the Chinese invasion. He has done many wonderful acts of charity for the community, from helping raising funds for little monks education and for local schools, to helping with preserving the tradition of the monasteries. 
They call him Big Little Lama as he is little, but did great things! 

Home of one of the Lamas

All the local temples will be full of hundreds of voices charmingly echoing mantras. “You are here during a very special week for us” he says. I feel priviledged to be here to witness this and I share my feelings with him. He replies that he noticed right away my curious eyes eager to explore. He asks me if I am here alone and I start telling him how I recently quit my job back in Italy as it didn’t resonate with me anymore and I was in search of something that was more meaningful to me, more fulfilling. I also tell him I am traveling this area of India and Rajasthan before heading to my yoga teacher training in Rishikesh, where I look forward to deepen my knowledge of yoga and meditation as this is a world that fascinates me a lot. He listens carefully to my story, from my description of the hectic life of luxury hospitality I experienced for a while in Rome, which led me to a sense of loss and feeling of non belonging, to the need of finding what my true purpose in life was and where my place in this world is. I go as far as telling him about the hardship of my life in the US and how the same feeling of non belonging made me leave my own country and come back 9 years later. He listens quietly, nodding every now and then. In the end he says: “We have to go through chaos in order to enjoy the calm and stillness of life”. “You are on the right path of trying to find your balance. Keep searching for it. The joy I see in your eyes is beautiful and will guide you the right way”

Young monks taking a break between chants

The crew approaches my smiling friend and after apologizing for interrupting, asks what seem to be technical questions on how to film the next scene. I feel the need to think about what he said and to take in the energy of the monastery, so I thank him for the conversation, wish him luck with the documentary and head to the roof, where I know I will find the best  and most quiet views of the valley.

Views from the rooftop of the monastery

CHAPTER 1: Ladakh

Sitting on the plane that will take me from Delhi to Leh, I start thinking of the wonderful adventures ahead of me and I am eager to arrive. As I don’t have too much time before the start of my yoga teacher training course in Rishikesh, I had decided to fly to Leh, even if it was not recommended due to the altitude. 

The best and most scenic way to reach Leh from Delhi is driving via Manali road, passing through Karnal, Mandi, Manali, Jispa, Sarchu and Tanglang La a 1244 km journey through some of the most beautiful, yet challenging roads of India. Stopping for at least a couple of days before reaching the highest parts of the journey, allows your body to slowly adjust to the altitude, that reaches 17585 feet above sea level at Tanglang La (claimed to be the second highest motorable road in India)

Gompa at KhardungLa Pass

I remember reading a lot of blogs and other material about Ladakh before my trip and listening to many stories of other people who had been and I particularly recall the description of some explorers, who rented those classic vintage bullets bikes and rode them for days through the different passes and cities. They would describe the experience as one of the most memorable of their lives and this made me long for the same kind of experience. The more I read, the more I fantasized about venturing on these iconic, endless roads cutting through scenic passes, surrounded by plateaus of vastity. 

Ladakh Valley

Fantasizing and visualizing your trip before it actually happens, I believe, is such an important part of the traveling experience, just like it is admiring pictures of dishes of a restaurants you cannot wait to try. There is something about the appreciation for the anticipation of what is going to come that I find immensely enjoyable and that, in my opinion, enriches the whole experience. On this occasion, for lack of time, my fantasies on two wheels remained as such and I opted for the quickest way there. 

After 1 hr and half of flight, I reached Leh airport, probably one of the smallest airports I have ever seen, with only two luggage carousels. As I exit the airport, I find my driver on the main road, who welcomes me with the most genuine smile and instantly makes me feel right at home. I will be spending the next 10 days with him driving around Ladakh and the first impression I have of him, puts me at ease and really sets the tone for the remaining of our journey together. I hope I had the same impact on him.

Coming from Delhi, the first thing I notice is the calm, quiet and peaceful attitude of the Ladakhi people here, which contrast the colorful personalities of Indians. They seem to value and respect silence, whether on the roads (I have not heard a single car honking!) or during human interactions. 

They speak in a calm and quite tone and they truly take their time searching for the words they are going to say. Another great characteristic of the way they talk is that there is no filling in the silence with empty words, something we tent to do quite often in western cultures. Italians do it with curse words, Americans do it with slang words and fillers, words that are not necessary and do not convey or add any meaning to the conversation. I come to realize there are no such words in their vocabulary at all. Language tells so much about a culture and I feel very aligned to this beautiful culture already. They value pauses in between words and their rythm is a slow melody that reminds me of the Buddhist mantras (Om Mani Padma Om). 

Silence becomes very comfortable right away and I quickly adjust to this delicate rythm that I will find myself following, not only when I speak, but also when I walk and breath. Sloooow, loooong breaths. (like Swami Ji used to say while teaching us the Anapana technique, during our meditation class in Rishikesh)

The streets as well, are nothing like the noisy chaotic traffic jams of Delhi, where nobody is really following any rules (apart from the honking rule!) but everyone seems to know what everybody else will do and trust each other in a dance of intricate tetris of cars, perfectly flowing in organized chaos. 

No, the roads of Leh are ruled by respect and organized peace.

Ladakh Roads

Have you ever seen a country that has street signs with thoughtful sentences that rhyme, to bring awareness to the driver? 

Here are some pearls of wisdom you will find while driving through Ladakh:

Don’t be a Gama in the land of Lama 

Lower your gear, curve is near 

East or West, safe driving is best 

This tells a lot about a culture. Very thoughtful, creative, compassionate and mindful. Obviously the fact majority of the area is Buddhist has a lot to do with this awareness and you really breath this delicate consciousness in the air. I am deeply taken away and already feel in love with this unique place.

Murals in Hemis Monastery

 After arriving at the hotel and dropping off my back pack, I immediately venture out. 
I like to feel each place when I first arrive and I sense this town calls for a slow walk. 
I decide to go back towards the school I noticed while driving from the airport to the hotel. As I walk and breath in slowly, I recall the words of Tichh Nhat Hanh in his book “The Miracle of Mindfulness” where he describes how everything we do should be done with our full attention towards this task, whether it’s eating, speaking, walking or breathing. A concept that seems so simple and yet it is so difficult as it requires great concentration and attention. How mindful are we when we eat? Are we really paying attention to every bite we take without letting our minds drift away? Or are we eating while thinking about what we will have to do in the afternoon? Being Mindful and being fully present in the now, without shifting our attention to what will come next, allows us to fully enjoy the very thing we are doing and it enhances the whole experience. So I commit to be fully present and focus on my walking, trying to coordinate each step with my breath. As I find myself enjoying the process, I walk past a group of sleepy dogs all lined up on the side of the street, living perfectly in tune with the rhythm of Ladakh and I smile at the coherence and perfection of the Universe.

Sleepy dogs outside the school

After about 15 minutes of mindful walking, I reach the cricket field next to the University, where two teams are playing and group of friends watching the game. This scene has somewhat of a familiar feeling and I decide to stop and watch the game myself. The sun, heat and the altitude are also making it harder and harder to breath while I walk, for as slow as my pace is and resting for a while seems like a wonderful idea.

I pick a spot on the left side of the field not too far from a family probably cheering their son. Sitting on the benches, I feel as I am part of this town already. 
I am not familiar with the rules of cricket ( I have never even fully understood baseball and lived in the  States for 8 years!) but I enjoy the atmosphere of it all.. the agility in which the players move on the field, how they communicate with each other, the cheering (still modest and in low tone) of their friends from the benches and the scenery all around.
The majesty of the mountains surrounding the cricket field are the perfect frame to this beautiful painting. I take a deep breath in and feel a sense of gratitude for being able to participate in this moment, with these familiar strangers.

Cricket Game at Ladakh University

The sun is rising high in the sky and it is getting extremely warm. I  suddenly realize it is 1 pm, I have no hat, and being that is September in north east India, this doesn’t seem to be the smartest thing to do at the beginning of my trip, so I decide to go back to the hotel and rest for a while before my guided tour of the city as scheduled in my program.